Call 1-800-GULLIBLE.

I was watching one of those mad evangelical Christian TV channels the other day, the sort where a perma-tanned, middle aged American gentlemen tries to convince you that the best way to do God's Will is to give over your credit card details as soon as possible. It was strangely fascinating, in a faintly disturbing way. The main thrust of the Evangelist's point seemed to run thusly: the first 10% of a person's income belongs to God. If you're fool enough to keep God's cut of your paycheck (here I'm imagining God as loan shark in a 70's blaxploitation movie, complete with the universe's funkiest pimp hat) then he'll curse the rest of your money and you'll generally have a shitty time of it. Therefore, you should get the tainted tithe out of your account as soon as possible, ideally by giving it to Mr Perma-tan.

Which is a really cock-eyed way of justifying a pretty sensible proposal. The world probably would be a better place if we all gave a bit of cash to someone who needed it more. Society would be fairer, people would be kinder. Birds would sing, Christmases would be snowy, Deadwood would never have got cancelled. But can't people reach that conclusion themselves, through thought and reason and the application of morality? Surely we should have got past the stage where we need to believe in God and curses in order to do the right thing? I can't get me head round it.

My hour of Televangelism did throw up one funny moment. Mr Perma-tan, with his pointy white collar and spray-on hair, was beseeching his viewers to pick up the phone and donate, to feel the hand of God moving in them, guiding them, ridding them of the curse that has held them back all these years (that'll be that pesky 10%. And did you know they take all major credit cards?). And he said 'Please, if you get an engaged tone, be sure to dial again.' Because that'd be right pisser, wouldn't it? If it actually happened and the Big Man filled you with his spirit, the full on religious awakening, and you picked up the phone for your conversation with the Almighty, only to discover that the cunt was dealing with someone else? It'd be head in the oven time and no mistake. Or you might decide to put all of your faith, belief and money somewhere else. I hear Oprah is very popular.